first assignment

In short, the story is a bit of a train wreck. To begin, much of the language in the story is in passive voice. I would start by changing the sentence structure around to make it more active. There were also many style errors, which were corrected on the sheet itself. Style errors of major concern were the use of exclamation points and phrases like “he asked rhetorically,” which interject the writers impressions of the scene onto the story. This ruins the impartiality and transparency of the article, creating a biased piece. Rather than saying “police,” it would be better if a specific officer was attributed. The story is unethical because it frames the man who is suspected (charged but not prosecuted) of arson as an arsonist. This will cause legal issues for the writer as it is libelous, and will also cause damage to the suspected arsonist’s reputation. To have a fair and ethically reported article, the reporter needs to get the suspected arsonist’s side of the story too, as well as quotes from the children if possible. Only one side of the story is presented, and it’s not a fair one at that. Organizationally, the suspected arson should probably come higher up in the story, if not in the lede, as well as the deaths recorded at the scene. A logical error in the story might be a house which burnt to the ground only doing $14,000 in damage. 

Re-worked lede: Three children died in a suspected arson at 140 E. Wilson Ave. on Sunday night, causing more than $14,000 in damage.